Runners and riders in this weeks dating grand national

So I find myself throwing myself back on the mercy of the dating sites. I have always used the same two main sites, dabbled around on a few others, but stick to these as they are free and generally well known. Some of the same faces are still there, but then so am I ! So as usual it starts with a mixed bunch - one random first message from one guy just said
" can i bite you"

Oh he had me swooning off my feet! Jerk ! At least show some effort and make the i a capital I, and the use of a question mark would be good !


My heart sank at the memory of how many lazy,rude blokes there are out there. But I rallied on and made some progress. I shall list this weeks contenders and a few that have fallen at the first post already. As my daughter claims I must have dated a guy from every letter of the alphabet (and a few repetitions of the same name!), I shall refer to them by initials!

S. He started off okay, but was on shaky ground with his previous form- only recently left the wife, currently living with parents. But he seemed to have stamina to keep up with the pack. Lost a few places with his suggestion of a first date on a Saturday night (every where is noisy and busy). Last heard of heading into town to meet his mates 3 days ago. Appears to have fallen at a fence and been put down.

R. Couldn't tell much by looking at him, his head guard(baseball cap) covered most of his face or pictures were too dark. Seemed okay over the first hurdles and then hit the water obstacle and drowned. He appears to have a phobia of anything non alcoholic/noisy when asked what do you do on nights out. His response was " I go see mates in Kent and usually end up getting wasted, though I'm not really a drinker. I'm an old skool raver so prefer good nights out.......( blah blah raves this,raves that),.. raindance ... I'm organising a night to Brighton head kandi then go to a proper club for an all nighter"   This bloke is 44 Years old. To me he sounds like he is trying to be a proper geezer ! Not my cup of tea at all.

P. Slow off the starting blocks with a day or so between first few messages. Then discover his main job is as a wedding dj so is pretty busy most weekends doing that. Lost a few places on the race course due to this. He is a dedicated dad with his kids living with him Monday to Friday. This could lead to problems in arranging time on the dating track and may become lame. Outsiders chance at the moment.

J. Recent addition to the dating national. Had listed he wasn't in for the long race, more a sprint short burst with high activity peaks and no commitment in between. Odds completely against this runner.

M. Had previous form a year or so ago. Saw his form back then and looked like it had potential. Two good runs out and then disappeared from the scene. Reemerged back on the circuit and promised a good sturdy race this time. Even stated he would attend a meet tonight, but has not been seen by his jockey since noon today. A doctors note will be required for him to re join the pack

G. Great starter. Instant wow factor. Appeared to get along with the jockey very quickly. Showed excellent potential in training on Thursday and Friday. Continual updates on his whereabouts, paid a lot of attention. Did admit he had other friend commitments over the weekend and asked to have a first real date on Wednesday. He nearly went off course when he flashed too much of his stallion in a video message, but appeared to have had a case of nervous excitement, so was let off with a warning. But appears to have gone off track. Not appeared for training or checked in since Saturday early evening before he went on a cross country course. If appearance is made tomorrow is likely to be pushed to the back of the pack. A serious investor such as myself should not be kept waiting for days on end. He should be chasing me.

So there we have it. Not a great bunch to start with, maybe more of a donkey
derby than a grand national ! Think I need to get some better carrots !