Saturday 27 September 2014

Tinker, Tailor, Soilder, Sailor ........

Rich Man, Poor man, Beggar man, Thief.

Yep, I can say I have pretty much met all of the above and many more !
I started to wonder if a persons employment does affect their behaviour, do they have a common thread that runs through them ? Should I be looking more for a profession than a person as such? Have I been chasing the wrong guy due to their work code or has it been just bad luck ? So I thought I would run back through a few. Okay I haven't meet a professional Tinker, or a tailor actually, but lets start with a few common ones......

Policeman- supposed to be morally upstanding, dependable, trustworthy, the up-stander for whats right and wrong in society. Erm, not from what I have experienced ! Id always heard never trust a policeman, they always have eyes everywhere and probably if not a wife, another girl elsewhere ! I have met at least three coppers. All nice guys on the surface- but none of them good at letting the past go, or another woman pass them by ! They believe themselves to be superior to anyone else. Not what I'm looking for thank you!

Firemen- have met/dated two, and I can honestly say in my opinion worse than Policemen! Both had their own warped sense of reality, or what was morally right from wrong. Its not actually the case they cant keep their hose pipe in their trousers. In these cases it was what went on in their heads that was the problem.Either morally wrong thoughts or lies and truth distortions.  I wont go in to details but let say I only want to see a fireman in an emergency in future !

Builders /plumbers/roofers- normally perceived as strapping big lads. The few I have dated haven't always been that type of build, and also against stereotype were not the type of guys to wolf whistle at anyone ! They were full of practical ideas for improvements- not to me to property/objects. But actually getting them to do the work was another matter! One was very money obsessed/ status lead and would happily work 7 days a week for some extra money. But obviously that was his money to be spent on him not for us to enjoy. After a few too many boys days/weekends/holidays and with me being told we couldn't go out as he had to save and replace the money he had spent on those trips I had enough! These guys are very laid back, everything can wait- always time for another cup of tea types. One trait I will give them as a bonus.

Drivers- bus/lorry/delivery. Sudden realisation as I wrote that sentence that these guys all seem to be shy, reserved and quiet in public. But with alcohol and on a one to one basis they become animals ! Maybe its the time they spend driving alone all day, but they seem to crave a womans body over her mind. Very physical human beings (I'm not complaining) but also hard to read and to actually find the man hidden below. I have known one for years and I still can't suss him out. I thought he was a womaniser, but the longer I have known him the more I think I was well off the scent. Unless he is the mastermind at lying !

Office workers/estate agents/sales reps. Although I have included Office workers I actually not sure if I can remember one ! Better cross them off my list

Estate Agents/Sales reps. Bizarrely enough they may love the sound of their own voice but they do tend to have a problem with listening to anyone else's. Their communication skills are pretty bad, and the intrusion of
a too quick text reply can send them into a melt down. They may be able to sell houses or paper etc but with matters of the heart they seemed to get flustered and tie themselves up in knots. Likeable guys as a rule, but tend to say what they think you want to hear and then turn it all around and accuse you of wanting more than them.

Ooo just remembered I did date an office worker- although he worked shifts but sat behind a desk  that was  what threw me off ! Now he was a very troubled man. Didn't know what he wanted. Maybe that's the shift worker pattern coming into its own. Firemen, police, warehouse men all shift workers who seem confused child like people who probably all should of had a more dominant mother in their lives !


At the root of it all though lays ones connecting factor. Me ! Maybe it is me after all ! Maybe they all lied when they uttered the words- "Its not you"

Oh god time for some more self analysis !

Monday 18 August 2014

The strange are not just restricted to on line dating

So for the second time this Year I got set up with a friend of a friend.
Surely that means this Guy is normal ? (to be fair the first "date my mate" was normal and a great guy and we still communicate now - it just wasn't meant to be )
Surely as a friend of a trusted friend nothing could go wrong ? No skeletons in closets, no current emotional baggage as the friend should have filtered all that out before suggesting a meet.
Well reserve judgement !  Even friends of friends can have issues !
We chatted via texts and then agreed to meet up. All went well both times we met. He admitted he hadn't been looking for anyone in particular but when the mutual friend had suggested meeting me he thought why not ? He could be missing out on someone special (his words not mine !)
So what could go wrong ? Apparently something so simple as a text message was the catalyst for a melt down ! And I bet you all want to know what the text was that he sent ? Well this time it was me !! I am the bad one . The inappropriate texter.  The one that crossed the line.
Shame on me !!
Thing is I bet you can never guess what I wrote ? Something soo bad that he felt like telling me everything that was wrong with the way I behaved.
Ready for it . Here you go .....

" Hiya. Hope you having a good week. Weather here a bit pants but we are having a few day trips out so still enjoyable "

That sentence is apparently the worst text I could have sent. Want to know why? Here you go :

A few days previous he had text to say it was difficult to text as he was helping out an ex for a few days with babysitting duties.(not his child, not a long term relationship) He was staying there (alarm bell !!) and would be home again at the weekend. He suggested I text on the Saturday saying "Boo"

I sent the fated text on the Thursday afternoon. Now according to him that means I am totally incapable of following orders. That it meant he couldn't relax for fear of the phone going off.
My response "Oh sorry I didn't realise I had to act as if you were married "!!!!!
Seriously how on earth do I meet them ! A text as innocent as that to someone who is helping an ex out whilst she is working ( sent during work hours when my brain figured she wouldn't be around) then meant I wasn't trustworthy or worth the energy.

Help us all- the loony daters are escaping from the internet and flooding the real world !!



Friday 18 July 2014

What is love ?


That's a big question to ponder.
Love is everything to some and a world of hurt to others.
It means different things to different people. In fact it even has different feelings for each person. Say for instance I could say I love my (currently imagined) fella, but it has a different meaning to telling my daughter that I love her.
Love is subjective.
 I love ice cream, but I wouldn't say I am in love with ice cream. Its not as if I want to marry it and set up home with it. Although a lifetime with ice cream would  be a happy existence- all be it a bit fattening!
Love is fickle.
Growing up you obsessed over the stars of the day- but now do you still dream of a life with them ?  Your first childhood crush- do you still feel the same about them as you did when you were 7 or 8 years old ? You love some one until they break your heart. Then your emotions change. Anger and hurt take the place of the love you once felt for them.
You have to fall in love and have your heart broken to know how it really feels to be so desperate for that person. Then you mend your heart and move on to the next. Only when you really fall deeply do you know how much joy and pain love can bring. But even that feeling varies from one to the next. And how do we really know what we feel is love and not lust, or compulsion or obsession?  That pain in your heart when they upset you? Is that proof of love or just pain of rejection and not getting what you want?
To break someones illusion of their love for you is heart breaking in itself. As much as you may know its the right thing to do, it is impossible to explain to the one who loves you. When asked the question "But you said you loved me ? What changed or did you lie?" there is no real answer. You can only explain your feelings, however superficial they may sound.
Everyone deserves and needs to feel loved on some level by someone or something. In the words of John Donne "No man is an island". At the same time no one deserves to be given false feelings or hope. Be true to yourself and those around you. Love walks hand in hand with happiness. Be free with the words "I love you" but be aware of sadness taking them away brings.




Friday 25 April 2014

Love, Lust and friendship

I am currently in the midst of a house move (hopefully) and whilst clearing out the cupboards I have had time to reflect on the last three years of living in my home. This is the first house myself and my daughter have lived in without the presence of a permanent  male. We have had our ups and downs but we have managed with most things - even general DIY! But as much as I have embraced my own company in between the dating and short lived relationships, I know I am still looking for my match.

I have decided to start dealing with people the same way I deal with my household and personal items. At home, instead of hanging on to items that haven't seen the light of day for 6-12 months, I am ruthless and I put these items out. But with people I tend to cling on in the hope they might actually fulfill there potential purpose. This includes friends as well as potential suitors. Sometimes I am strict in my ways, for instance if a guy I am talking to starts sending me unwanted rude photos, I block them. If a guy doesn't text on a regular basis and seem keen, or they cease communication I delete their numbers after a week.

The problem comes with guys I have dated, liked and lost. I always let them come back into my life, with their empty promises of
 "Oh Bonnie I'm sorry , I have no excuse for not being in touch"
or my personal favourite:
"I'm so stupid I have a stunning woman whom I'm crazy about and I cant get it right . I'm a twit"

I'll tell you who is the stupid one- me !! For not blocking your sorry arse out my life the last time you pulled that line on me! Seriously, whats wrong with my brain sometimes. I go soft and mushy and develop selective memory. Well no more. from now on the old saying :


is what I will love by. I will waste no more time on people who didn't live up to the mark the first time around. Life is too short for me to be wasting any more time on these idiots who after all are only after an ego boost. When it comes to actually proving they " love you" they seem to be lacking. Actions speak louder than words.

I have also come to realise maybe they way we approach dating is all wrong. Not so much in how you find a potential mate, but in how you move forward. So many times we fall for someone on looks or the date itself, as opposed to the important thing- the person they are inside. Anyone can buy nice clothes, take you to fancy restaurants, wine & dine you and shower you with goods. But would you still be interested when he or she is lazing around in their shorts and t-shirt at the weekend ? Could they keep your attention by talking about their day ? Do you even notice the little things in them? Their eye colour, the way they make a joke to ease the seriousness of a subject? How they like you to stroke their back or run your fingers up their arm to comfort them?
Maybe the best way is actually to be friends first. To learn about each other, what makes them tick. As opposed to how someone tries to impress you. Love is like a marathon, its not a short sprint. Burn out too quickly and once the glitter has gone, there is nothing left. Start at a steady relaxed pace, both being yourselves, and you find out if you really can make each other happy or if it is just a lustful need you want satisfied. An itch you need scratching. From now on I will be looking underneath the sugar coasting for the man I can curl up next to in my joggers and not be judged for it.
If he accepts me in my dungeree shorts- hes a true keeper!




Tuesday 15 April 2014

Spring Horn

There seems to be a broken record playing on the dating sites at the moment. Its the same old classic , titled
"Let me show you your body parts " by horny male.


Heard of it ? I'm fed up to the back teeth of it ! It seems most males are currently only interested in what you are wearing, what they aren't wearing and what they could do to any female who shows them the remotest of interest.
Is it because the weather has got warmer? Is it like the mood swings us females get? Similar to the lunar "lunatic" cycle ? where all the Werewolves and nutters come out on a full moon?
I shall term this phenomenon as "spring  horn"




It begins with trading usual innocent messages, then they suggest chatting via KIK or some other instant message method. Then they decide the best way to impress you is to show you there manhood. As I have mentioned before, its not the prettiest male anatomy part and apart from at a strip show I don't think most normal women place any preference or interest to size. But these men seem to think it has special powers that will make you talk dirty to them and drop all your clothes on the floor to come see them in all their full glory!
Lads - if you want a woman like that look elsewhere ! I am not interested in how long it is measured up against your computer keyboard (Seriously I hope that man was using his own personal keyboard and not a shared work one! Or at the very least had some cleaning wipes to hand !) Maybe the world is missing the old Phone boxes. Its where you could find the business cards for women happy to take your cash to see your manhood.







Sunday 9 March 2014

Stone cold sober- or not

I admit chatting to someone for the first time can be nerve wracking. Its a selling game, you have to sell yourself, all your good points and cover over the cracks. Meeting in person can be an exciting nervous feeling- if you are at all interested in some one. I have found myself with butterflies in my stomach, or an attack of the giggles or frozen smile on more than one occasion. Those I class as good dates.



As we all know first impressions count. In truth with internet dating you only message someone if you find them attractive, and secondly if they seem genuinely to have something interesting to say.  Sometimes after a few messages or days the chat vanishes and we loose interest or move on to someone else. I never take this personally. Its just run its natural course of events. I'm sure I have done that to a few guys too.  The spark has to be there, and if the match burns out you cant re light it (bit like ex's really- maybe I should start thinking that simply when it comes to them !) There are also some massive easy do and don'ts when actually chatting to someone for the first time. Basics we all should know.
1.Use proper English and spell
2. Pay attention. - so you don't ask the same thing over and over again
3. Be up beat and happy- don't talk about ex's or how tough life is for you at the moment.
4. Don't communicate when drunk or under the influence of drugs.

Let me tell you an example of the last one:
Started chatting to a guy who looked pleasing to the eye. He had messaged me first so I thought Id see what he had to say. We exchanged a few simple joking light hearted messages on the dating site and then said I seemed fun and down to earth could he call me . Well I was bored at home so I gave him my number.
He called straight away. He seemed a bit nervous and kept laughing in middle of sentences. He didn't seem to have much of any substance to say and kept saying "yeah girl, yeah girl". The topic changed to the fact I had just had my bag stolen from my car and how when it was found all that was missing was £20. My phone, ipod, credit cards etc were all still there. I said I had a feeling I knew who did it and that she probably used my money to feed her weed habit. He replied "yeah babes well I have to admit I had a joint before I called you"

Don't get me wrong, that's up to him if he wants to do that.I certainly don't. But I suddenly realised that was why he was laughing and not making sense. He was saying things like "we been chatting for hours " when it had only been 10 minutes. Believe me it was the hardest longest ten minutes of my life!  He said he was nervous and never knows what to say or do around a woman. I politely told him having a smoke before making the first call was probably not a good idea.  I made my excuses and said goodbye.


I'm actually glad to say he hasn't been in contact since !





Friday 21 February 2014

The difference between Women & Men

As time goes on and we all grow older (some of us less gracefully than others) it has struck me how men and women change  their  dating behavior. I'm not being mean but its always been an unwritten rule that women think and men just do. But the tide is changing. Women have become more empowered as the years have gone on. The times are long gone where a woman with stay in an unhappy relationship because they were worried they couldn't survive- physically, mentally and financially. But now we are starting to realise we can change a light bulb and fend for ourselves and are finding the power to take back control of the Television remote !

So what does this mean in the world of dating? Well it seems to mean that women are more determined to get what they want and from who they want when they want it. All power to the female revolution ! Go girls ! Go out there and grab life by the balls so to speak. Don't get walked over by men and bow down to their every command. If you don't want to watch football on a Sunday as there is a film on or you want to go out for a romantic woodland walk- tell him. If you don't like the way he picks his nose- tell him. We have the confidence to know that if he wants to be with us he will be, and if he doesn't like what we say he's not worthy of your attention or love. That doesn't mean to say I'm suggesting we pick faults all the time, none of us are perfect we all have flaws in our nature and behaviour. 

As for the male species- how are they evolving? Well it seems they have discovered a new function and part of their anatomy- the under used brain ! Men seem to have developed the power of thought ! They can think for themselves now and are spending far too much time thinking ahead and analyzing their feelings. 
Whoa !!! Hold up there ! Men are not supposed to think with their brains- they tend to lead with their lower body region! Women for years have wired their actions into this belief. If a woman wanted a man to do anything- they used their bodies power of persuasion to get what they want. Now it appears we have to start acting differently. Women can spend ages analysing a single text message- 'what does this mean,what are they trying to say' and now we have to try and think two steps ahead of a man (lets face it we are always one step ahead anyway!). The most common sentence I have started to hear is "I've been thinking" and from the mouth of a man that's a pretty scary concept!

So whats my advise? Well I plan to try and out wit these thinkers, and use my woman's intuition to be ahead of the game, to see the sentence before its even formed in their brains. To engage their thought process along another avenue to stop them thinking. To walk away if the pauses between sentences become too long. 
And my advise for men out there:
Stop thinking- just do !
   

Thursday 6 February 2014

School boy error

I've mentioned the pit falls of photos on profiles before. Unfortunately as its the first part of your on line dating profile anyone takes notice of (closely followed by where you live, age and job title !) you have to make sure you sell yourself well.
My current profile photo is a bit risque, not rude but just attention grabbing. So far it hasn't changed the amount or type of attention I get in a negative way so that's all good. If you got it flaunt it is always a good motto to have !
So as a seasoned pro dater I stumbled across a school boy error made by someone on their profile photos.
I happened to see he had viewed my profile so I returned the favour:



Local lad- tick
Easy on the eye - tick
Age range-tick 
Drives -tick









So what did he do wrong I hear you ask. Well a couple of his photos he had snatched off of his Facebook page, and off someone else's page. How do I know this? Well because at the bottom of the photo was the name of the page owner. His name and in the other one a girls name.
So as a good detective I searched him out on Facebook. On his semi public profile this photo shows up. Nothing wrong with that. On the ladies profile is the other photo in one of her albums. So wheres the problem?
Well for a guy who claims to be single his Cover picture on Facebook is of him and this lady cuddled together ! From a quick scope of his page it appears she lives/works away in another part of the country and he's travelling back and forth to see her .

So Dr Watson we can deduce that whilst the cats away the mouse will play !
When I mentioned this to someone today he said "Yeah well I did something similar when I was in my early twenties " That's the point- in your early twenties we all do things along these lines. But in your late thirties early forties (I hate to admit I am now in that category !) surely we have found our morals and shouldn't be hurting people.
Who am I to judge? As to be fair I suppose I was snooping onto his private facebook page. So long as he doesn't contact me its no skin off my nose . Just feel sorry for the females involved.

Sunday 2 February 2014

How long have you been on the shelf ?

The other day in conversation someone bought up the fact that four years on from the break up of their marriage they couldn't believe they weren't settled down again .
"Try 14 Years " I replied with, semi jokingly.
Until I sat back and thought about it.
Seriously my marriage broke up 14 Years ago. In the last 14 Years what on earth has happened to me in affairs of the heart? Actually that should read what on earth hasn't happened to me !?
I've been there done that on most things (do not read that statement as an admission to being a loose woman so to speak !) I have found myself dating, living with partners,being cheated on,dating, breaking up, dating, lied to, dating again, etc etc. And still I'm not in a long term committed relationship.
Jesus have I got slightly depressed with that thought ! (Thank you to the person who mentioned it- I will punch you next time I see you!)
I had never really looked back on my life that way. I have always been in every situation and relationship and hoped that "this is my fairy tale ending" (finally). But for whatever reason it is yet to happen.
Maybe I am on that road to that ending, maybe this blog is the path I have to travel . The bonus of writing is I can look back and laugh or weep as the case may be, as to how I have come so far. How I have evolved, discovered myself and what I want in life.
And yes after 14 years I do want to settle down. I haven't given up hope of that happy ending. I want to be with someone who loves me But I don't want a boring life. I want to wake up and go on mini adventures, days out, sit and laugh with my other half, and grow old disgracefully. Most of all I want someone who is next to me every step of the journey. Some one who in the words of Katie Perry "I will love unconditionally." Some one whose soul matches mine and whose eyes I can stare into and feel loved and wanted.
Not much for a kookie little girl like me to ask for surely ?

Tuesday 21 January 2014

Well that serves me right !

There was I gushing about how great my life was, how I had met a great man and things were looking up !

Well guess what ?! I'm single again !

What happened ? To be honest I'm not entirely sure and i wont go in to massive detail about it as I have promised to stay friends. Lets just say it didn't work out, his decision not mine.


So here I am, in the week before my 40th birthday, and I'm single again !

But like all good Tiggers I will come back bouncing higher than before. Besides this is my 40th birthday year, gives me a valid excuse to behave like an idiot all year !

So here we go again on the dating carousel. Where it stops nobody knows. I am sure along the way I will meet some amazing ,mad, nutty , stupid, single minded idiots, but thats part of the fun !





Oh look, it didn't take long- already had one ask to take me down the marshes !

Gotta love online dating !