Birthday mutterings & the last Year in my Thirties

So Yesterday was my 39th Birthday. As I am a January baby I am quite used to the fact that because my birthday falls just before Pay day most people are pretty poor after the festive season. I don't ask for much from my friends, in fact I don't ask for anything. Except their company in celebrating my birthday. Unfortunately as we get older it becomes harder to drag them out for a drink, meal natter - anything!
This year was no exception. I sent a message out suggesting maybe a gathering around mine. The response wasn't great to be honest - usual reasons- lack of money, other plans, no babysitter. I wasn't best pleased!
 I found myself the week before my Birthday getting very emotional and down at the lack of a support network. I know we all have busy lives and other loved ones but I felt very very alone.I found myself in some sort of Bridget Jones moment when thinking about my birthday, singing in my head "All by myself " (Eric Carmen)

Now let me point out, after nearly 3 years being single I am quite used to not being in a relationship on special occasions - birthdays, weddings, Christmas etc. This Year it really didn't bother me that I was a singleton. I was not upset about not having breakfast in bed, or being whisked away for a lovely  romantic  meal,evening or weekend. Don't get me wrong I would love that, and believe me I will milk it when it happens!  I was more upset that I faced spending the evening on my own, without the company of my friends. What made it worse was this Year the day fell on a Saturday- perfect for a few drinks!

Luckily my lovely Daughter came to my rescue and she and my mother spent the evening with me having a Roast dinner (I know, on a Saturday what a rebel!) and watching Gremlins on DVD. 

So now begins the last year of my thirties. I suppose the last year I can possibly get away with not acting grown up! This Year is twelve months of changes for the better. I have already embarked on a Yoga obsession, Pilates is my next activity to take up. I feel now I'm older I can't jump around gracefully doing Zumba, Aerobics anymore. I need something more calming and something with less chance of broken bones or pulled muscles! The calorie counting is also heading the right way. By the summer I plan to be nearer the weight I should be ! That wet suit will look a dam sight better on me this Year when I'm body boarding than the last few years beached whale appearances!

I plan to celebrate my birthday next weekend now. An old flame is visiting the area and after 8 Years its about time we met up again. So we will be raising a glass or two (and probably merry hell!) as a belated birthday toast. 

Next time any of my friends asks why I am still single I may well have to remind them that because they never want to come out socialising with me, how am I supposed to meet a man! I know its an equality world out there but I'm not brave enough to hit the town on my own in the search for a man!

Going Dutch

In the words of the dating dictionary and in my eyes the meaning of "going dutch" on a date is:

In dating, when both parties pay for their own bills, thus effectively dispelling the double-standard where men are always expected to pay.

"If you meet an intelligent, attractive and friendly woman who likes going dutch then you should hang on to her for dear life."

Years of dating experience has lead me to always offer my fair share of the rounds of drinks, or to offer to pay towards the meal. One friend of mine and my dad argue I shouldn't do this. I'm a female and if a male of the species has asked me out then I shouldn't even offer to by a round of drinks or anything. Now as much as I wish this was the norm, its not generally like that. I meet loads of Guys who complain about "money grabbing women" who just expect everything to be paid for and want to be treated like a princess.

I'm not looking to be treated like a fairy tale creature. I am willing and want to pay my way. But in some situations I expect the man to pay. Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe I expected too much. Read the below situation I found myself in and let me know what your opinions are.

A new match on line showed some interest in my profile. We exchanged messages and then progressed to texts. As it was the Christmas/ New Year Season I didn't expect to meet him straight away as everyone is busy that time of Year. So after a few days he said he would like to meet up but was it okay to wait a few weeks as Christmas had been expensive and he wanted to wait till he got paid so he could take me out for something to eat. I agreed, as I understand some times funds do get tight. (funnily enough I had two guys around the same time who mentioned lack of funds- but the other one is another story ! I'm still yet to meet him!)

In the meantime I suggested we could meet for a quick coffee date one lunchtime. That way if we don't like each other its only the cost of a lunchtime drink that has been spent. He agreed this was a good idea and we met that following weekend. All went well and we ploughed on with our meal date for the following week after his payday. 

So the date night arrives. Due to the predicted snowy weather we met earlier than planned to make sure we weren't both out driving late at night. I had picked a nice restaurant, mid ground between us and not expensive. All was going well, although I did feel like I was being rushed by him to eat my food so we could both go home. Within an hour the food had been eaten , and one drink drunk each. So he then asks for the bill. This was placed on the table and he looked at me and said "well I wonder how much this will be?"  Then continued to look at me as if he was expecting me to say something. I waited, and he just looked at me as he opened the bill in the middle of the table between us. I started to feel awkward and said " so how do you want to do this ? Do you want to go halves ?" Now this is where he SHOULD have said "This is on me". But what he ACTUALLY said was " Yes that would be good" I was slightly annoyed so replied with the words "So you want to go Dutch?" and with a slightly disgruntled look on my face. His response "Yes" So I dug my purse out and he then said "Tell you what You pay a tenner I will cover the rest" The whole bill was £34 so he hadn't exactly had to fork out a fortune! Then he only wanted to leave 50 pence tip- I was embarrassed by this so added a few of my own pound coins towards the tip.

We left the restaurant, parted in the car park with a peck on the cheek and I was home before the time I was originally due to meet him!

So was I right to feel put out? He had asked me to wait to meet him so he could take me out for something to eat. Surely if a man invites you for dinner that should mean he doesn't expect you to pay? This is why I try to stick to coffee or drinks dates! It becomes far too expensive for me otherwise!  How would you have felt? Would you have expected him to pay? 

 

Positive mental attitude - with less of the mental!

So the New Year is upon us and I slowly head towards my last Year in my 30's.
Am I worried that I am Single?
Do I feel a victim of the dating world ?
Do I feel I should be acting like a grown up?

Simple answer -

Last Birthday I asked my eldest nephew that same question - Should Auntie Bonnie grow up? His answer -No! I should stay Silly! And I have to agree with him. Okay my life may not be run of the mill and I'm not in a steady long term relationship but does that matter? Hell no ! Only this morning an ex of mine made contact for the first time in nearly a Year and asked how life has been. After a short explanation he responded with "Nowts changed then!"  Thing is I don't care. I know somewhere out there is my lifes goal, my partner in crime. The path I am on may be winding but I don't let it get me down. My new found Yoga DVD is helping me get up and shrug off life's day to day dramas. I have always worn a smile on my face and maybe some people can not understand why. I am always true to myself and never lie (well occasionally a small white one during the working day !) . Whats the point?  Why waste all that energy on negativity. Okay the truth may hurt sometimes, but if someone doesn't like the truth they shouldn't ask for it.

So I hurtle along as always towards the weekend and a new first date. Simple one this time, a coffee lunchtime drink and if all goes well a dinner date next weekend. Keep it simple on a first date. That way no one gets stuck with a huge restaurant meal bill, or the cost of a new outfit to impress. Plus the less alcohol consumed the first date, the less your judgement or eyes deceive you. I'm sure we have all had the coyote ugly moment - as defined by the urban dictionary:

coyote ugly
	Waking up from a drunken stupor to find that your sexual partner of the previous night is not only ghastly, but is sleeping with his/her head resting on your arm. The only way to escape, without waking the beast, is to chew off your arm and flee.

That is something I wish to never repeat in my life time ( no mum and dad I'm not saying I have ever done it !  Your daughter is a good girl! )

Wish me luck !