Okay I was hasty!

I made myself a vow that I wouldn't remove previous posts- as no matter how things changed, that's how I felt at the time of writing. I'm sticking to that although I feel slighty embarrassed.
As I jumped the gun a bit on the last one.
It doesn't happen often- me owning up to mistakes (take not bosses!) as I don't often get things wrong. But this time I did.
The man from the last blog post redeemed himself. He honestly was tied up flat viewing and text to ask to meet me still, a few hours later than planned.
And boy am I glad I replied yes.
What a breath of fresh air to meet a lovely guy.
Had an enjoyable couple of drinks in a lovely pub garden.
Rounded my weekend off perfectly.

History repeating itself

As Shirley Bassey once sung my life feels " like history repeating itself". I seem to be having the dating equivalent of groundhog day! Its a continual round of no hopers and no shows.  The ones that show up I wish didn't, and the ones who vanish before the arranged date are the ones I wish did appear. Like I mentioned in my last blog post I would rather someone be truthful than leave me hanging.
The latest one seemed very keen , kept me up till nearly 2am texting and was in contact till lunchtime of the arranged evening date. Then boom - all contact severed ! I gave him the benefit of the doubt that he was busy and then I get a response to my asking " I don't wanna go getting myself all gorgeous if you going to stand me up" saying "I'm a bit stuck at the moment, looking at a flat" . Okay fair dos, so I ask a bit later (an hour before the arranged date) "I don't want to be a pain but I'm sort of in limbo here! Shall I get ready or not?" 

Guess what? An hour later at the allotted date time still no answer! Now either its a whopping big flat, or his phone has died, or he is out of signal, or he has had an accident or a giant Godzilla type creature tried to kill him or the more likely answer, he has changed his mind. Now as ever I always give someone a chance just in case there is an honest reason why he hasn't even text to say "I'm sorry babe but ...." But come on! Jesus lads grow some blooming balls!
My spare time is precious to me and very limited. My nights when I'm free to go and meet people I value dearly and do not like to be left at the last minute with the whole evening wasted. If I was a bloke I could probably just go down my local pub on my own and meet girls, but as a girl I  can't do that. Society dictates that if I did that I would have a reputation (okay maybe I have one of those already but I haven't sunk that far yet!)
Once again I vow don't let the buggers get you down and bounce back up again ready for the next round!

Excuses Excuses

In all my years of dating I have heard some poor excuses as to why men cant meet up for a date (let alone why they aren't ready for a relationship but that's a whole different blog!) But the one that comes up time and time again is illness. I'm not talking major illness here, just the common all garden cold and flu that seems to render most men incapable of going on a date. They say women are the weaker sex but in my view either men are completely useless at dealing with a sniffle or its just the easiest lie to tell that pops into their heads. In fact given the poor specimens I have met Id say the latter!
Take this as a prime example, lets call him Anthony :
First date- goes very well, interest from both sides, body language looking good, smiles all round etc. Second date arranged for a few days later, instigated by male so I know I'm not being pushy.
The days in between constant stream of texts back and forth.
Day of the date- radio silence. So lunchtime after no reply from a morning text to Anthony, I send a text - "everything okay? still on for tonight?"
Two hours later "er sorry my sons not well and I'm just sorting him out. May have to re arrange tonight, Its not  a blow out I promise, when are you next free?"
I reply with "Tuesday, hope he gets better soon"
And then more radio silence.
The following morning I receive a text- "sorry didn't get home till 12.30"
Now alarm bells ring. Okay his son might have been poorly, but I know his son was only at Anthonys till 6pm, so where the hell has he been? (that sounds like me being a stalker- its not its just a genuine thought) I give him the benefit of the doubt that maybe his son is very poorly and ask "aw whats the matter was it serious?"
Reply " He was being sick "
My response "poor boy. Hope he gets better soon. Would you like to rearrange ?"
" Well the thing is I don't want to make any plans till hes better again"
What??? It's a sickness bug! He hasn't lost a limb or been diagnosed with a serious illness, or even been to hospital. Plus he doesn't live with him just visits at weekends!!
Holy moley I've heard them all now!
Lads just be honest with us women. We would rather know the truth and where we stand than be led a merry dance! Time is precious and rather than me waste my days thinking you are interested, tell me sooner rather than later.
In future if a guy says " Sorry I have a cold can we rearrange?" He will find himself on the end of Bonnies "No radio contact" 

I hate being ignored

I have come to the conclusion I can deal with rejection a dam sight better than being ignored. Years of internet dating has taught me not to take it personally when things don't work out. Usually its me saying "I'm sorry but its just not going to go anywhere", although I have been told the same.
But the one thing I can't cope with is being ignored. It leaves you wondering where you stand, and there's nothing I hate more than someone not being man enough to tell you what exactly is going on.
Maybe its just me, maybe I'm a stress head, a control freak, or maybe it is just because I like to know who is walking the same path as me, by my side. I'm pretty good at reading the signs, but some people blow hot and cold and it is just too confusing even for lil old me!
Its not that I even want to know someones every move, just the simple things (as I've mentioned before) like knowing when you can see each other next, what you fancy doing, or even if you are having a bad day. As isn't that the point of a relationship? You are in it together and share the fun times and the burdens of life? Ease the load on each others shoulders?
Maybe I try too hard in trying to please people and loose sight of the real me.  But then maybe I'm not. Maybe I have just come to realise some people are better at hiding things than others. Although now I think about it, when someone is shying away from showing me attention it tends to mean they have shut me out already. If that's the case then they don't deserve my attention. We only get one life, and sometimes as much as its the hardest thing to do, you just have to walk away from people you care about. If they cant smile on their own and see whats in front of them, then you have to save yourself heart ache and walk the path alone.

Stopping to smell the flowers

After a wonderful weekend, reality hits back by Tuesday. Its amazing how quickly we all get bogged down in the normality of work, food shopping, cooking, housework etc. I have come to the decision I need to slow down and stop to smell the flowers planted along my path.

I won't say too much about my weekend, I want it to stay as one of "our" special memories for now (plus I don't want to jinx things!). But I will say it was everything and more. We spent time just sitting and relaxing and enjoying the tranquility away from the normal rat race. It was idyllic, even the weather held off. I don't think I have smiled and laughed so much in ages. I can't thank him enough for whisking me away and spoiling me. Thank you (I know you are reading!)
But now its back to work and the usual hum drum days. I keep stopping and looking back at the weekend and giggling over a private joke or smiling at the memory of a certain moment. Its made me realise I am always in such a rush. I can be the most impatient person in the world. I have to slow down and enjoy each moment given to me. Life as we all know is far too short.
Relationships are always a rollercoaster. From the initial throes of giddiness and excitment, to the times spent apart pining for each other. The first steps can seem so tough, while you get to know each other and their traits. What they like, what winds them up, when its best to talk on the phone, or do they hate texting, pet peeves, when do you both decide to come off dating sites or announce your new relationship status. But its all a learning curve. I know I'm impatient, I can talk/text too much, I have a small paranoia streak and a normally well hidden small fear of rejection and loneliness. But on the plus side I'm always there for someone, I listen, I'm very caring, I giggle and I try not to take life too seriously. I always find myself worrying about how I come across. I need to just stop and remember that everyone is human. I'm not supposed to be a superstar or expected to be blessed with hidden powers that mean I never do any thing wrong. I am an individual - I'm unique- just like the white Peacock we saw, and I shouldn't be trying to blend in, I just need to be me. We all make mistakes and we all have a past. Its how you enjoy the present and each others company that matters.

 I do believe though that relationships get harder as we get older. Not only do we all have more things to juggle (Kids, sports, mates, work etc) but we also have past experiences we judge people and relationships on. When you're a young teenager in love life is relatively easy. As you get older we tend to get worried about being hurt (can I do this again? Am I too old etc), or is someone lying to us, hiding a secret family, a massive debt, or playing the field. You lay your heart on the line each time and pray that no one will break it.

 So from here on in I promise to take each day as it comes. I'm going to look forward to more good times because I know they will be coming. But I'm going to pay attention to the here and now.  Now is the time to learn about each other, the small things that matter and how to control my worry of rejection.

I'm taking my time to stop and smell the flowers!