Its what they don't say that matters.

As a woman my intuition is pretty spot on, I can normally tell when someone is lying to me (especially with years of internet dating to my name!). But last week someone I look up to pointed out its not what people say that you should pay attention to most- its what they don't say. I'm not talking about quiet people, or shy people who don't say much. Its more about the questions they avoid answering, or the things they don't ask about you. Someone who doesn't actually seem that bothered about you as a person and who is more interested in when they will meet you is the type of guy best avoided. As a rule it tends to mean they are only interested in something physical with you, and to put it bluntly they couldn't care who you actually are! As long as they like your face and your a woman that's all that matters. A few months ago I had some contact with a typical man of this species. This is what happened:
As usual I receive a message on the site and we chatted randomly. Quite quickly he asked when he could meet me. I told him I liked to get to know someone first, but he badgered me and beat me down into giving him my number (starting to wonder if to get a second phone!). So we start texting and again he just wants to know when he will meet me. Doesn't seem to care what I do, if I have kids, what I like doing blah blah blah, all the usual stuff we all like to ask when we first contact someone. Even when I asked him stuff he was elusive and seem to avoid answering. I did agree to meet him, but then as the day got nearer and he started saying we could meet for a drink then go back to mine I started to hear the alarm bells. So I cancelled on him.
This in hindsight was a very good idea. A week or so later I was at home one evening and got a call on my mobile from a withheld number. I answered to hear a womans voice say "Hi you dont know me but I think you have been chatting to my husband". I was a tad bit shocked, and then embarrased as I then had to ask what his name was (Pete) and again I asked for more details as just the name didnt really narrow it down for me! (oh god the shame- I sounded like a right floosey !) When she mentioned his screen name (Pete on the side- figures!!) I put two and two together and realised it was this guy. I told her exactly what happened, and to be fair to her she said she didn't blame me, he had been messaging loads of women and she had found all our numbers on his phone. She just thought it was only fair that she alert us all to who he really was !
All power to her to be honest. Brave brave move.
This wasn't the end of the story though. The sneaky rat sent me a text a few weeks later asking how I was. I replied with
"Im fine. Hows the wife?!"
His response was to say he thought it was funny - I disagreed with him on that point!
Then a month or so after that he pops up again on the dating site and sends me yet another message, basically having a dig at me about if I actually went on a date maybe I would meet someone! The cheek of it!
Only the other day I recieved a message on the site. His wife has set up a male profile and has made it her mission to send messages to every single woman within  the area a message to explain how her errant husband is a liar and a cheat and to avoid at all costs!
Boy, nothing like a woman scorned !

Paying for it

Just a quick update. I have found myself signing up for a dating site that requires you to pay for the service. Now I have always been against lining someone elses pocket for my misfortune in love, but after years of previous experience I have finally bitten the bullet and parted with some cash.
I'm starting to realise its hard to find someone in your late 30's. Guys the same age either want someone younger or someone who wants children. Now as much as I would love to say yes to more children, nature had other plans and that option is now only possible with a pocket full of money or via adoption. And how do you bring that sensitive subject up on a date? Its not fair to omit telling a guy the child issue, but its not something you want to tell everyone too early on. Tough call to make.
So we shall see what this site offers. If nothing else I'm sure there will be more stories to tell!

Faces from my childhood

I was just struggling to think of what next to write about, and my lovely brother just reminded me of something that has now happened to me on two occassions via internet dating sites.
I will admit when I was at school I looked somewhat different- I think I once said 'I would never have touched myself looking like I did'. I would like to think I have improved with age- like a good bottle of Champagne (not vintage yet I hope!). I suffered with spots, big eyebrows, awful taste in hair styles with big perms and flicked side partings. But underneath it all I'm the same person- okay different hair colour and better skin- but still the same.
So it amazes me when I get approached on a dating site by guys who went to school with me, and don't realise its me they are trying to hit on!
About a month or so ago I had whats called a "meet me" hit. Basically someone had seen my profile and was too shy to write a full message so they send a hint. I studied the small picture on their profile and sent them a message " Hi thanks for the meet me, I'm sure I know you from somewhere".
 He replied- "Oh are you sure Hun.?"
 Me :" Did you ever live in Kelvedon?"
 Him: "Now you have me worried hun. Yes I grew up there."
So I had to put him out of his misery and confusion and told him
" If I'm right you played football with my twin brothers for years "
It all fell in with him then and he realised who I was ! Poor bloke ! My brother said I should have kept it going longer- but I cant be that cruel! He isn''t the only one though. Only last week I had a guy request to contact me, and he again went to school with me. When I said to him that we went to school together he still couldnt place who I was. I eventually had to tell him my name and he then remembered me. He said I had changed and was I interested in meeting up on a date with him. I hate to say I ribbed him a bit as he hadnt changed at all since school-and passed over the date option!

a drunken broad

Ok I have been reminded how all these stories are pretty one sided. I don't want to come across as a man hater, because I'm not, so as they say all is fair in love and war I shall tell a tale of my antics.
In my defence this happened a fair few  years ago. Basically I went out one night with a friend to another pub as opposed to our local. We bumped into 3 guys I used to go to school with. It had been a very long time since I saw them so we had a good evening catching up and having a laugh. We where then invited back to one of theirs and we continued the drinking there. At the end of the night they said they were going on the Norfolk Broads the following weekend and we should come down for the weekend. We agreed it would be a giggle and arranged to meet them at a pub along the river on the Saturday afternoon/evening.
When we got there the lads had been drinking since lunchtime (for some reason I'm sure it was St Patricks day weekend as I recall drinking Baby Guinness cocktails!) As a stupid girl that I can be, we decided to play catch up on the drinking front. Very stupid idea, that led to a very drunk stumble back to the boat a few hours later. One of the guys had got chatting to some other girls and the party was to continue on the boat. I remember my friend telling me she had her eye on one of my friends, which I had no problem with. Once back at the boat she and this guy went onto the roof. All very romantic until one of the others decided to pull the roof back and they nearly fell off the side!
I meanwhile was starting to realise how much I had drunk. Although I was flirting with one of the friends I was conscious of how alcohol and sea legs don't mix well for Bonnie. I admitted to him how I was suddenly feeling unwell, he politely asked if I was going to be sick- Yes came my reply! So he ran up the boat to get me something to be sick into and promptly returned with a Colander! I couldn't help myself and I then graced this colander with the contents of my alcohol binge!
Not a pretty sight I can tell you! Although it couldn't have put him of that much as we ended up dating for a few months after that!
The happy ending was saved for my friend. Her and my school mate ended up getting married and now have two lovely children.

A Shaggy Sheep dog story

Ok so this isn't a first date story, but I was reminded of it last night. This happened with a guy I was dating for about six months. Now I have nothing against hairy men in general, although I prefer a man with less hair than a yeti! Unfortunately this guy had not only a hairy chest but a hairy back too (on par with a rug!).
I didn't let it bother me in general- its not as if he made it grow on purpose! Normally as his sister was a beautician she used to wax his back for him. Well this time he couldn't get over to see her so he asked me if I would mind helping him out by "Immac"ing his back!
Oh god the thought of it now still makes me gag! As a dutiful girlfriend I duly obliged but it was awful. The smell of the stuff is something us girls know and detest, but coupled with having to scrape off the long back hairs I honestly don't know how I didn't throw up!
I do wish now in hindsight after the relationship turned sour, that I had just maybe removed some of the hair in a pattern ! But contrary to popular belief I'm not that evil!
But I did have to work out how far down his back I should go- ie Bum line, and how high up his neck his back hair stopped and his head hair started!

The Signal Man who was economical with the truth

What can I say- we have all lied to some degree in our dating lives. But some lies do come back to haunt you. I don't think I have ever said anything that wasn't too far from the truth, but a few Years back I met a guy who was so wrapped up in his lies he confused it with reality. To begin with as normal we sent messages back and forward, a few texts and then he said one afternoon " I'm off work today, when you finish work how about we meet and take my dog out for a walk?". Innocent enough I thought so I agreed. We met up and I thought he seemed very similar to his profile pics, mannerisms etc. We chatted as we walked and got on quite well. The topic of housing came up and he said he had split from the ex and he lived in the house they both had a mortgage on. He was buying her out and she had moved away. Far enough. No issues there.
The date went well and we arranged to meet again, this time for a drink. I was aware he worked shifts so I was used to his erratic calls/ texts at various times of the day, and of the unavoidable lack of communication when he was at work. Second date went well and he suggested how he would like to take me to London for a meal etc sometime soon in the future.
That weekend I had no contact what so ever from him. I started to get a bit suspicious, a little niggling doubt in the back of my mind. Six am Monday morning I receive a picture message from him- not exactly what you want to open our eyes too first thing in the morning! So, I decided to dig a bit deeper and ask why he hadn't been in contact for a few days. He said the ex had come down to stay in the house. I was a bit shocked, he replied that they still had the joint mortgage and he couldn't afford to buy her out so occasionally she came down at the weekend. Oh separate bedrooms of course!
Now a big warning sign came up over my head! This guy was hiding something or someone. A few days later he suggested I popped round to watch a DVD. This gave me an opportunity to look round the house. Well it only took for him to open the Door for me to see that she- the apparent ex- was doing more than popping back at weekends. Her clothes, shoes, make up etc were laying everywhere! In the hall, on the internal door, the dining room table, the kitchen, the stairs! Even the bathroom- when I excused myself to use the facilities, was full of toiletries ! I sat through the DVD and made my excuses and left.
By know I know whats going on- she was working away and at home at weekends- they were still together. I wasn't interested in being with a cheat, so I backed off and planned my revenge.
That weekend I went out with friends to the town that he lived in. As the night wore on I started sending drunken texts to him (fully aware as to what I was doing) just saying I was out in town, blah blah blah and how I wanted to see him. As it turned late I phoned him- knowing he wouldn't answer as his girlfriend/wife was obviously with him. Five minutes later I sent a  text "left the bar , in a cab on my way to yours "
Within seconds he text back- " what- you cant - shes home this weekend its not fair on the ex"
I replied " I'm just rounding the corner - I need some money to pay the cab driver"
You could feel the panic down the phone as he replied "don't knock on the door"
Oh god I was in hysterics and so where my mates. What an idiot.
Thing is he didn't leave it there- he text me first thing Monday morning. I had deleted his number by then but it was him . He asked if I had calmed down from my strop that I was in over the weekend and would I like to see him later !
The bare faced cheek of the man! Honestly, a lesser innocent girl may have fallen for it- but I smelt a rat early on luckily.
Sad thing is his profile is still on the dating site. I hope to god no one gets taken in by this Signal man